NaPoWriMo 2018: Day 26 – A Poem that touches all senses -WhEn Will this MaDnESs EnD?

Today we bring you a new craft resource, in the form of this essay by Josh Roark exploring engagement of the senses, and of the notion of embodiment, in the poetry of Ocean Vuong. Roark argues that the key to the success of Vuong’s poems is his particular ability to make the reader feel a poem as a visceral object, and not one that is removed or merely intellectual. If you’d like to check out some more of Vuong’s work, you might look at this poem that, fittingly for our purposes, is titled Essay on Craft.

And now for our prompt (optional as always). Taking our cue from today’s craft resource, we’d like to challenge you to write a poem that includes images that engage all five senses. Try to be as concrete and exact as possible with the “feel” of what the poem invites the reader to see, smell, touch, taste and hear.


Here’s mine for today:

April Spring

The weekend’s over

Bright, Sunny  morning, 

A gentle breeze blows, flutters the clover

Musk in her hair;  2 days to the wedding

He ‘s washed his face, he’s had a shower

A platinum band she picked, 3 whites stones shimmering…

Blue, checked shirt, cargo pants, he looks sober

She’s wearing a pink hat, a white cotton dress,

Hands in his pockets, a cap on his head

Mint in her mouth, a skip in her step, bouncing her tress

He walked the same path that to his school had led

Bless this day, Bless the man she loved, Bless…

Mewing, mewing  to himself, not a word he said

She hears a mew, she doesn’t turn, she couldn’t care less

Lifts himself into the white van, standing.

There he is, the scent of musk…waiting

And starts driving…

The traffic light red…he looks dashing

Swerving…

At the pedestrian crossing…

Into the pedestrian crossing.

Blood spilling, she sees him fall, dying…

Then into the side-walk, he comes ramming

She does not scream. She does not cry

Knocks her off. He isn’t even looking

In a pool of blood, she’s left to die…

 He doesn’t stop to watch. He couldn’t care less

The platinum band, 3 white stones shimmering

Bless their souls, bless the country, Bless…

Crushed… In 2 days was the wedding.

 

canada1

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Note: pictures from the Internet

 

 

 

 

 

30 responses to “NaPoWriMo 2018: Day 26 – A Poem that touches all senses -WhEn Will this MaDnESs EnD?”

  1. NaPoWriMo Day 26 – because i could not go out for lunch – Eúnoia Avatar

    […] NaPoWriMo 2018: Day 26 – A Poem that touches all senses -WhEn Will this MaDnESs EnD? 2018 […]

    Liked by 1 person

  2. thewritewomanblog Avatar

    Sad! You have brought the contrast in either attitudes well, making the reader wonder – why? But some stories have no explanations, they happen because they happen. The taste of betrayal is indeed too sour to digest – even for this reader.

    Like

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Yes, it was based on the Canada shoot-out that happened the previous day. Couldn’t get it out of my head. Felt better once I had written this. Most often…there are no reasons in these crazy shootouts.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. thewritewomanblog Avatar

        Not sure what even prompts them to take such steps, would depression, fury or revenge be a reason strong enough to justify your actions?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Smitha V Avatar

          Nothing can be a reason for cold-blooded murder except insanity.

          Like

  3. NaPoWriMo / GloPoWriMo 2018 – Day 26 – “The Wave I Was Waiting For” by David Ellis | toofulltowrite (I've started so I'll finish) Avatar

    […] My Author-itis – Waiting for Warmth 16. barbaraturneywielandpoetess – Apples 17. WHAT LIFE SAID TO ME – NaPoWriMo 2018: Day 26 – A Poem that touches all senses -WhEn Will … 18. barbaraturneywielandpoetess – Elemental 19. ORDINARY AVERAGE THOUGHTS – The […]

    Liked by 1 person

  4. viewsofpreethib Avatar

    OMG this is heartbreaking… 😦 You have penned it so well Smitha…
    The words you chose to write this Smitha… I am speechless… Especially the below lines…
    In a pool of blood, she’s left to die…
    The platinum band, 3 white stones shimmering,
    Crushed… In 2 days was the wedding.

    Hugs & ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Thank you so much Preethi for the appreciation. Its wonderful reading your comment. Makes the poem worthwhile. Hugs⚘

      Liked by 1 person

      1. viewsofpreethib Avatar

        Your welcome Smitha 🙂 Hugs 🙂 ❤

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Sangbad Avatar

    In a pool of blood, she’s left to die…/The platinum band, 3 white stones shimmering/Crushed… In 2 days was the wedding….wonderful Smithaji…am lost for the words…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Thank you Sangbad. Coming from a deep thinker like you, I am overjoyed. Means a lot.

      Like

      1. Sangbad Avatar

        not to mention…and am not a thinker am Casper showing affection to good things…

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Smitha V Avatar

          Ha ha..ok I hearby call you Casper

          Like

  6. Andrei Avatar

    Absolutely! ☺

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Thank you again⚘

      Like

  7. Andrei Avatar

    Two thumbs up for this! And I’ll give an extra only if I have one. Still, here’s the extra 👍

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Thank you, thank you Andrei😊. A big thank you for the third one as well. I’m all smiles in the morning. So it did touch all the senses…?

      Liked by 1 person

  8. robbiesinspiration Avatar

    Oh my goodness, Smitha, this is so tragic. Beautifully written.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Love your comment Robbie. It is sad. Sadly, we dont seem to have control.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Dahlia Avatar

    Simply fantastic – I could taste the blood in my mouth.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      So it came out right. Thank you so much. This entire thing is terribly painful though.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Dahlia Avatar
  10. Nirmala Sasi Varier Avatar

    Dear Smitha, Don’t know what to say… you have brought home the sense of hopelessness, the sense of desperation and feeling of betrayal with such lucidity… that it hurts… just as it did when I first read about it…Hugs- because I know you hurt too…

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Thank you, thank you so much. I wasnt too sure of how the formatting would work…but I guess its ok and you were able to read it as I wanted it to be read. Yes…there’s no reason, no science to any of it. Just pure madness. Hugs to you too. Thank you.❤

      Like

  11. Moushmi Radhanpara Avatar

    Oh, Smita this was so sad and touching.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Yes Moushmi the whole thing was sad… Your comment shows the poem reflected it. Thank you so much.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Moushmi Radhanpara Avatar

        It has been my pleasure. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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