Guilty

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I’m guilty

of forgetting

of a memory that’s fading

I can’t remember

The sound of your voice

That lulled me to bed

when my heart filled with dread

or urged me to be tough

when the going got rough

Or bolstered me up

When my cup

spilled over

And said, ‘Try my dear, once more.’

 

I’m guilty

of going against the norm

letting cobwebs form

In the nooks and crannies

Of a chest full of memories

Its’ key misplaced

The lock rusted

Stacked files 

forgotten piles

Gathering dust

Under this polished crust

Lying so deep

No longer make me weep

 

I thought I’d die

When I said, ‘Goodbye’

‘Time heals all,’ they said

Those that saw my eyes red

Hatred spewed from every cell

‘Keep your mouths shut,’ I wished to yell

My loss, unfathomable, I believed

Those that thought, ‘time would heal,’ were deceived

I’m guilty

Of failing

Of my memories dwindling

I’m trying so hard

To keep you alive – its’ made me a bard.

 

I write this poem in memory of my mother whom I lost 13 years’ and 10 months ago. We were close – so close that I wanted to die when she went away. Having kids or being married didn’t make things any better. Yet now, I do not remember her often. And I feel guilty of moving on. I ask myself, ‘Why?’

And I think maybe it hurt so badly that my mind found a way of dulling the memories.  Maybe that’s what ‘Time heals everything,’ means.

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12 responses to “Guilty”

  1. leocamwrites Avatar

    Real human feelings of truth expressed in poetry, can be inspiring to us all. This your poetry, is beautiful as it expresses the anger, sadness, in our love. Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Thank you Leo for reading and writing back. So happy to read your comment.

      Like

  2. Andrea Stephenson Avatar

    I think maybe that’s true Smitha, it would be hard to live in a state of acute grief all the time. I do sometimes struggle to remember my parents (my dad died 18 years ago, my mother 10), and I do forget them at times, but when I remember them it’s easier.

    Like

  3. Vineetha Brijesh Avatar

    Beautiful poem smi. Very touching and i could feel the pain you are going through.Hugs to to you dear

    Like

  4. athousandbitsofpaper Avatar

    Beautiful poem Smitha, totally resonates with me, I lost my Mum a couple of years ago.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Thank you so much for your warm words🙏. Really sorry to hear of your mom. Hugs.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. binnykumar Avatar

    Very melancholic poem Smitha …I can feel your dilemma n pain through your writing …..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Thanks so much Binny for being a wonderful friend. Hugs to you. Happy Diwali to all of you!

      Like

  6. robbiesinspiration Avatar

    This is extraordinarily beautiful, Smitha. A wonderful tribute to your mom.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Thank you so much Robbie for such heartfelt appreciation. It means a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. balroop2013 Avatar

    Beautifully penned Smitha. We learn to live without those we love and need by our side. Memories fade with time but the ache embeds within.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Thank you Balroop for your kind words. They help…like a balm. Thank you for saying, ‘it’s ok.’ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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