NaPoWriMO Day 24- Leaving

Last but not least, here’s our prompt for the day (optional, as always). Hard-boiled detective novels are known for their use of vivid similes, often with an ironic or sarcastic tone. Novelist Raymond Chandler is particularly adept at these. Here are a few from his novels:

  • A few locks of dry, white hair clung to his scalp, like wildflowers fighting for life on a bare rock.
  • Dead men are heavier than broken hearts.
  • From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 10 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.
  • She smelled the way the Taj Mahal looks by moonlight.
  • He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.

Today, I’d like to challenge you to channel your inner gumshoe and write a poem in which you describe something with a hard-boiled simile. Feel free to use just one, or try to go for broke and stuff your poem with similes till it’s . . . as dense as bread baked by a plumber, as round as the eyes of a girl who wants you to think she’s never heard such language, and as easy to miss as a brass band in a cathedral.

Happy writing!

Thoroughly enjoyed writing for this prompt. I’m not sure how far I managed with writing hardboiled similies but here it is, my poem , Leaving‘.

With this, we have just six more days to go before NaPoWriMo is done for this year.

She stood on the pavement, a pool of undisturbed water,
watching the truck inch away like the minutes hand 
on a clock- her whole life fitted in a six by six feet 
container.

Dragging her feet as a corpse heaved out of water, she
returned to the empty box, that she once had called home
and flung open the door - it looked like a temple looted;
the nails still on the walls stood like observers 

of a calamity that cannot be evaded.She ripped them 
off one by one exposing unhealed wounds of courage 
and resilience. When she was done, she walked into 
each room one last time like a student checking
the answer sheet before handing it over. 

A few unwanted papers and clothes lay strewn like 
the last remnants of flesh on a carcass. She paused
for a breath and then turned off the lights. 
A blackness met her eye as if she were swimming

in a pool of liquid tar. Turning around, she made her
way to the entrance like a dog lapping up water on a 
smoldering day, and she shut the door. 
It closed with the finalty of a judge's gavel

after the pronouncement of the verdict, 'Divorced'.

Copyright@smithavishwanathsblog.com. All Rights Reserved.

18 responses to “NaPoWriMO Day 24- Leaving”

  1. Andrea Stephenson Avatar

    I think you did really well Smitha. There’s definitely a sense of devil-may-care attitude to the poem. I can imagine the scene in black and white and her taking a pull on a cigarette and grinding it under her foot before she goes!!

    Like

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Ha ha…I love your additional image of the girl. It makes her sound so real. Thank you for letting me know that the poem fitted the prompt. It’s wonderful to hear that from someone whose writing is way beyond beautiful.

      Like

  2. Manja Maksimovič Avatar

    That was smooth. Sounds like you have done that before… The quote that you have up there I have memorised a bit differently as a teenager: “You never really leave the person you loved. You take part of them with you, leaving part of you behind.” I don’t even remember where I got it from, so I trust your version more. It works well with persons and places…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Yayy…it’s great to hear you say that, Manja 💕.
      It works perfectly with ‘person’ too. Like the poem we wrote a few days ago…remember about a friend we knew and have lost touch with. Your quote fits perfectly with that. Now, I shall remember both 🙂. Thanks so much, Manja. Have a lovely day!

      Like

  3. Romana Iorga Avatar

    Poignant imagery, Smitha! I was particularly drawn to the descriptions of the ransacked former home and the psychological toll it takes on the speaker.💜🍃

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Thank you dear Romana for your lovely comment. It’s always a joy to read your opinion on the poem. I quite liked this prompt. ❤️

      Like

  4. Sonia Dogra Avatar

    Some powerful, hard-boiled similes there Smitha. Wonderful imagery too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      And that is music to my ears. Someone who confirmed that it was hard-boiled. Thank you, Sonia. I needed to hear this. A big hug to you.

      Like

  5. boundlessblessingsblog Avatar

    Smitha you have done a wonderful job with this challenge. Too good.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Kamal, thank you so much. It was fun writing this prompt. So glad you think the poem turned out well. ❤️

      Like

      1. boundlessblessingsblog Avatar

        Yes it surely did Smitha. You are always welcome 😊😊😊

        Like

  6. Arti Jain Avatar

    Hey Smitha. This : “it looked like a temple looted;
    the nails still on the walls stood like observers ”
    is a stunning image–the observer and the observed captured in one shot–brilliant.

    Visiting from: https://artismoments.blogspot.com/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Hey, Arti, thank you so much for appreciating the lines. I’m very glad you liked it.

      Like

  7. robbiesinspiration Avatar

    Hi Smitha You did a pretty good job with this. 👍🏻

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Hi Robbie,thank you so much. I wasn’t sure. But, reading your comment makes me feel I got it right. Am loving your pics with the elephants.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Sangbad Avatar

    Similes make the poem omnious and different…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Smitha V Avatar

      Yes, they give poetry so much more depth…thanks Sangbad for reading and writing back.

      Like

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